It is obvious that you are letting wiswas control your life. You don’t remember it because it wasn’t there. Allah told us in the Quran that the righteous people when they are touched by the wiswas of Satan, they remember Allah and then they are able to see clearly. You should do that.

You must not write things to remind you of Kufr as this is one of Satan’s ways to make you believe that this is happening.

Ignore these ideas and don’t give them any weight and they will go away by themselves, in sha’ Allah.

And Allah knows best