I do hope that no one will judge me on my speech abilities but, the topic is of importance to every Muslim, simply because a model family, the ideal family in ISLAM is the main target of the enemies of ISLAM. If you have a good Muslim family, this means that you are making an excellent Muslim community and that is why I am talking out of experience.You may not be suffering as we are in the Arab world. But we have vicious attacks against the Muslim family and enemies of ISLAM go out of the way trying to corrupt the family because once you do this, you manage to corrupt the whole of the society. Now in order to have to formulate a model family, you have to work hard on the individual because, the nucleus of a community is the individual and this is why we put great deal on the family because the family is the one that is going to bring up a good individual or a bad one.
This society we live in, the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, described it as a ship and we have to maintain this ship floating and not only that but also sailing. To formulate a model family, the first thing we have to do is to talk about our partners, our spouses. So in order to do that you have to choose the right partner for you and in ISLAM we have a lot of evidenc-es covering this and I will not go in to it because it requires a lot of time, I will just give you bullet points and only signals and indicators to it and In Sha Allah you will know it.
I have done a course last weekend on “QUEST FOR LOVE” that dealt with how to choose your spouse and the required characteristics in them. So first of all as a man, you are requested and instructed to choose a woman who has good characteristics such as,she has to be PIOUS, RIGHTEOUS, GOD FEARING, RELIGIOUS and this is the most important characteristics in your future wife, whether she is beautiful, wealthy or coming from a good family, this is besides the point, the most important thing is that she is practici-ing and by practicing we don’t mean that she is wearing the niqab and wearing the gloves.
A lot of the Muslims think that this is to practice ISLAM, so many who wear the niqab and wear the gloves do not pray on time, do not observe their fast, they are bad in character so you have to look at it in a holistic way, as to who may be practicing and who may not. She has to have her modesty and chastity because the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam told us that amongst the women of hell are those who do not have these characteristics .So if you marry someone and she shows her flesh, exposes herself or she is indecent, then this will not make a good family.
She has to be satisfied with whatever Allah gives her and most of the men here are saying well we got that from khushu because unfortunately a lot of the females have this in them they lack this feature of satisfaction and content and this why in an authentic hadith Ibrahim peace be upon him, when he came to visit his son Ismael peace be upon him after like 14,15 years(By this time Ismael alaihissalam was married)Ibrahim peace be upon him found his son’s wife home but his son was not there and asked her how is life and she said life is horrible, food is scarce and we don’t have water and my husband is out all the time, so he told her when your husband comes give him my regards and tell him your father said change your doorstep. So Ismael came and she told him and he told her that this was my father and he is telling me that I should divorce you, so go to your family. The worst wife one can have,is the one who is unappreciative, never satisfied , never content and then when he married again, Ibrahim visted him years later, the second wife did not complain,on the contrary complemented everything she had and Ibrahim said give my regards to him and d tell him to preserve and to keep his doorstep and when he came back she told him, he told her this was my father. It is extremely important for a Muslim family to have the content.N-ot only for women but also men. But this is not our topic, we are addressing the characteristics of the potential Mrs, among the characteristics before choosing a wife is, the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam told us that the women of Jannah are those who are WADUD WALUD meaning that she is caring and loving, therefore choose someone who is caring and loving and am not telling you to go online to chat with her and maybe go Skype to know her before marriage, this is HARAM so how will I know whether she is caring and loving: from her family, from her friends. Then you tell your mother and you tell her that she is kind, she is Nice, she does not use foul language and she does not become angry, she doesn’t have anger attacks.
Ma Sha Allah this is nice but to marry someone and end up in fight every single morning and evening, this is not advisable. She has to be WADUD caring and loving, WALUD she has to be fertile,able to produce children because this is the ess-ence of getting married.
If someone asks,”Sheikh i can go on Skype and see her, ok but how will i know if she is fertile,we are not married yet”. Well Scholars say look into her family, so if, of-cource her mother is fertile, look at her sisters, her aunties, her cousins, if they are Ma Sha Allah reproductive family this means that most likely she will be.
And do not take someone, whose family has infertility problems,as the first wife, not that it is forbidden but its not recommended. Thirdly the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam says that among the characteristics is that she is obedient.Amongst the blessings of Allah on an individual is that he is blessed with a woman who will obey him if he orders her and who will please him when he looks at her. so this is another characteristics: she has to be obedient.And the happiest husbands are those with obedient wives and the brothers are shaking their heads in disapproval and saying we don’t have this Sheikh what are you talking about,are you talking about HURIS from JANNAH?, let’s talk about humans.
There are sisters come on don’t be ungrateful you have JEWS in your houses I know that if I don’t say this I will be beaten by the sisters after I finished the talk. You have this in your houses but you are unappreciative so the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam told us that among the best women are those,when you look at them they please you and this doesn’t mean that she has to be Shockingly beautiful because this is not the case.Beauty is not an essential thing in marriage, if you marry a beautiful wife, after couple of days,maybe couple weeks then you get over it you will see the real character but a nice and an obedient and a righteous wife will always be pleasant to look at.
So when you go home you won’t find your wife with her head untidy doing the afro maybe and with her teeth yellow or with food in it and with smells of onions and then garlic coming out of her and with her voice coming from the depth of her throat saying (HOW ARE YOU HONEY ), this is not the thing you want to have at home. A righteous, practicing MUSLIMA and this I know for a fact,will always like to look her best when her husband comes.
The husband thinks this is my comfort zone, this is save heaven that I always go to and relaxed from whatever may have happened outside.”This is what I said to the brothers in this (MORNING REMINDER) when we go on the streets we find billboard of the Models, beautiful women smiling, if I go into the shop, the saleswoman is smiling, if I go to the reception of the hotel the receptionist is smiling, if the coworker,ya’nii may Allah help you if you are working with the opposite sex, they are are always smiling and Ma Sha Allah giggling and once you enter the house LA ILAH ILLAH all these smiles are gone down the drain.
Subhan Allah why is it, it should be the other way around, this is what you should try and look for, your wife to be, In Sha Allah future wife should Honour your family.Pick someone who will Honour your family, you have one family, you have one mother, you have one father but you can marry as many wives you wish, so if she does not respect and honour them, then try to make the right choice.
She has to take care of her children and the prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam complemented the women of Qureish being soft hearted to the children and being caring to their husbands, so this is the wife you should look for and you can tell by asking about her.There are girls that are so caring and loving towards children, it is an apparent characteristic in them and everybody knows about this and there are some who are negligent and don’t like kids and don’t like children and don’t clean them. This is not the right person for you and she has to take care of his house.you remember KHADIJA (radi-al-lahu an ha) not yet OK, KHADIJA (may Allah be pleased with her) the wife of Prophet (Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam)what did JIBRIL(an Angel) give her the glad tidings :He said to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,” Khadija is coming with food and drink, give her the glad tides, give her Salam from Me(jibril) and tell her that Allah Azza wa Jal has made a house full of pearls, empty pearl shell for her where there is no noise and there is no tiredness.
” Scholars say, why is this for Khadija because she never, ever made the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam work, she was his wife, she did all the work and not only that she did not make any noise in the house, neither her nor the kids. So whenever the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam went to his house he did not want to leave and that’s why Allah rewarded her with this big palace made of pearls with these things in them.
So a good woman serves the house, she take care of the house, the husband does not look at anything that is bad, everything is tidy and nice and finally when you marry a woman try your best not to take a jealous one because, the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam once was addressed by Anas May Allah be pleased with him, he said,”O Prophet of Allah why don’t you marry a woman from Al-Ansar(helpers/Natives of Madina) from Madina, he( prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said they are extremely jealous. And that’s why he refrained from marrying any(ansar)and when he married Umm Salama(May Allah be pleased with her), when he proposed to Umm Salama May Allah be please with her Umm Salama said O prophet of ALLAH I have a lot of children and at the same time am extremely jealous, what did Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam say,as for your children they are mine, as for your jealousy I will supplicate to Allah and Allah will take it away.
So jealousy, extreme jealousy is bad.U don’t want to marry someone,when you are watching pornography God forbid around Internet or cyber chat or video or whatever, she will say ok good night and am going to sleep see you tomorrow. No, this is not a proper wife.If you do something HARAM she prevents you, when you try to fleet with a coworker or with a neighbor, she stops you.
The one you do not want, when someone you talking with on the phone she says WHO ARE TALKING WITH put it on loud speaker, Swear By Allah Azza wa Jal, put your hand in your right eye and Swear on ALLAH. What kind of jealousy is this, no this is not jealousy, therefore these are some of the characteristics.You say it again five times, these are some of the characteristics u need to look for when choosing a wife.But what about the wife, what about the woman, well the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,told us what to choose in a man for our daughters,for our sisters, so the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said that, when a person or a woman wants to choose a man,he has to be, first thing RELIGIOUS, he has to be PRACTICING, and not every beard brother is a practicing brother, no Fedal Castro is not practicing, not every brother with a short shorts is a non practicing brother, how do I know?
Akhi(brother), if I see a brother with a long beard but he lies or he backbites or he cheats or he is useless and he envies people, he looks down upon people, he thinks himself as the best man to ever walk on earth, is he a practicing brother? No he is not. So choose someone who is practicing, how do you know?
Akhi(brother) visit the next masjid behind you. If someone proposes to your daughter and he looks practicing, ask where do you live, I live near Greenlane, OK we go to sheikh who Jazak al lahu khairan prays Fajr, ask him,”do you know this brother?” no, this is how he looks like, I never see the brother, is he practicing? he doesn’t pray Fajr, what kind of practicing brother is he?, Sheikh I always find it difficult to wake up for Fajr..
OK what about Isha, Sheikh Isha is too late, what do you pray, Asr usually and Zuhr, I can’t pray it in the Masjid, I pray at work, what kind of Muslim is this?, this is not practicing, you need someone who is fully practicing,not only in his Religious Commitment but also in his character, that is why the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said that whenever someone proposes to your wife sorry erase it (wife).
OK if someone proposes to your sister, to your daughter look,who, in his Religious commitment and his character you approve of, you should give her in marriage so its not only Religious commitment, also his character. what do we mean by character?, he should be brave, he should be generous, the worst thing a sister can do is marry a stingy person, a miserly person who doesn’t pay until you threaten at the point of his blood, this is difficult,your life is horrible and this is why, when one of the female companions came to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam and said Muawiya Abi Sufiyan and Abu Jahm (May Allah be please with them) both proposed to me, He(Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam)said,Muawiya is Su’luq(he doesn’t have a penny (money), he doesn’t, he is poor by nature and Abu Jahm, he beats women, he abuses women but marry Osama bin Zaid bin Harisa May Allah’s peace be upon them all.
So he has to be, his character has to be accepted in a sense that he has to be generous, he has to be tolerant. Never ever marry someone who has anger attacks, never, is the worst person and I get a lot of these problems of men, they confuse themselves with an AK47 with a clash nicap when they are angry: talaq, talaq,talaq and your sister and your mother and your aunt are all talaqed, he divorces everyone he sees, what is this and after five minutes, “Sheikh I made a mistake,” what did you do?, I gave my wife Talaq seventeen times.
Wallahi akhi(brother) freeze on the house and the rest is on you, what is this, no you don’t want to marry someone, you don’t want to give your sister, you don’t want to give your daughter to someone who gets angry easily and is impulsive and he may do something that he may regret later on.He has to be tolerant, he has to be of those who look the other way.He shouldn’t be an auditor because, if you give your sister to an auditor every time he will say how much did you spend, where is the rest, where was this thing, why did you put it there, he’s gonna make life hell for her, no you want to choose someone who looks the other way even if she does a mistake or two. He pretends as if he did not see anything and life beautifully goes on. He has to be,as mentioned in the Qur’an, he has to be strong, he has to be honest,trustworthy (surah 28, verse 26) because, you are entrusting him with your honour, with your flesh, you are entrusting him with your daughter or with your sister, so don’t throw them away to anyone who comes and asks for them.He has to be secretive in the sense that he does not spread the secret of the house, not that he has relationships in secrecy, no he has to be modest in the sense that often with “men”, who say what happens with them in bed, Aa I did this with my wife that was fun but the other thing wasn’t and I say Akhi(brother) this is the worst thing a man can do, yes its OK,mentalk, it is not mentalk, its animal talk.
Men with dignity and honour refuse to go down this road.You have to look for someone who is fair and just and these two things: fairness and Justice, if a man have them Wallahi you give your daughter to him and fear nothing and that is why Al-hassan May Allah have mercy on his soul said, Give your daughter or your sister to one who is fearing Allah Azza wa Jal because if he loves her he will honour her and if he hates her, he will not do her wrong. If I hate my wife,I will not be unfair or unjust because I fear Allah, if I do anything wrong even if I hate her guts, even if she is ugly and smelly, not that am saying that she is but, even if she is like this, I will not do her wrong because,I fear Allah Azza Wa Jal. and I fear that Allah may send someone to mistreat my daughters and my sisters, my cousins in some fashion, that is why I fear Allah, I try to be as good as possible. Try to choose someone who dresses well and who has a good scent and smile, not necessarily wearing Versache or Gucci but, someone who looks presentable and who smiles normal because this will be with you till end of time. A lot of the sisters send me emails and complaints about the smile of the brothers mouth, they don’t brush, they don’t wash their mouths, the first thing,He,Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,used to do, when he entered the house,was to use the Miswak(Muslim toothbrush) to clean, smile on his mouth.
Ibn Abass May Allah be pleased with him, he used to take very good care of himself and when ever his companions talked to him, he used to say, as I want my wife to look good I too like to look good for her, so its a two way road, try to choose someone who will honor your family, who will respect your father and mother and don’t take a gangster who will may kill them and then the following day, choose someone who will respect them, who will give them the necessary honor.And try to get someone who is jealous, do not get a man who is not jealous because this is not a man.
The first thing that stands out in a man is jealousy and the first thing that stands out in a woman is her feminine side and her vulnerability and he is jealous and strong and she is weak and vulnerable then they can have a good relationship but, when the woman becomes the man and the man becomes a sissy,with all due respect, this is not a marriage.Seriously most of marriages do not continue because of this.
Because, you have a man in woman’s clothes and you have something else in man’s shoes, I hear now they have shoes for unisex.Now how much do we have(time) OK Now, a model family, it is built on each party giving and doing his obligation without looking at his rights, a lot of marriages fail because this is not the way around, I want my rights and demand them but I neglect also that I have obligations to give and do, no no let’s not go there, I have my rights she has to do this, she has to do this and at the same time she is asking for her rights as well, he has to do this but he is not doing it, he has to do all the things but he is not doing it and that is why we have problems in the houses, if you fear Allah, if you marry for the sake of Allah, do your obligations and your rights,ask them from Allah Azza Wa Jal, they will come eventually if not all, most of them but always fulfill your obligations and seek your rights from Allah the Almighty.
A model family,how is it from inside,they get married Talaq, you my condolences halas they got married, he choose the right spouse, she choose the right spouse, they are married, now in the house what its life like. A model family has to have a lot and I mean a lot of love, compassion, caring, not only between the spouses but between all the members of the family,not only that, they have to declare it, we have a problem, am talking about men because women don’t have a problem with this, in showing their emotions, when was the last time you said to your wife I LOVE YOU, Sheikh I said it a week ago, she said what do you want, of course after twenty years of marriage,you never said it and all of a sudden said honey I LOVE YOU, hi you want to marry again, no way am gonna cut your throat. It is not this, we have problems with our emotions,as men we do not express.
The Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam was not like that, he not only expressed it to his wives, he expressed it to everybody. Amru Al-Aus May Allah be pleased with him, when he embraced ISLAM on 8th year of Hijra, he was very late so he went with the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam for few days and the Prophet being the Prophet he treated him in a very nice way, so he thought to himself Aah the Prophet is doing this to me because I am one of his favorite companions, so he went to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam one day and said,O Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,”By Allah who is it that you love most on earth?”
And he was expecting him but the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said A’isha(RA), the Prophet did not hide it, he said it to a male companion because everybody knew this and Amru(RA) said no I meant from the men, the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said,” Abuhaa”.Meaning her father Abu Bakr(RA), then who Umar(RA), then who Uthman(RA) and the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam continued naming a number of companions, his name was not in the list, so he said ok forget it. The point is we have to declare our love to our wives, we have to verbally say it because if we have this love in our houses the first to benefit are our children, when they see this love between us.
Ya Akhi(O brother) when was the last time you SMS a love message to your wife, don’t put obstacles and say Sheikh if I do this she is gonna think am exhibiting my Secretary or something, don’t put obstacles, do it once a week, put it in your schedule, when she calls,give her sweet names Honey how are you, things that she loves because if you do this then your house will be filled with love, now a lot of the Muslim houses I see nothing but criticisms, cursing and bad words, you find a father when his guest comes and the son is trying to give coffee or tea,instead of saying Ma Sha Allah this is my son he knows five Juz’a(main parts of the Qur’an) of Qur’an.He is the man of the house, (he says) what are you,stupid? giving the tea with your left hand, give it with your right hand,what a bad boy,in front of all the guests, what kind of love is there?
what do you expect from such a boy?but if you have love, compassion, if you have care, if you have encouragement. Every time you see something wrong, there has to be lot of things that are right, so keep on encouraging, showing your love to your spouse.
The Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam used to do this with A’isha and A’isha used to do this with him. In the Sahih(Bukhari and/ or Muslim) he Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,used to lie in bed with her and she was so close to him Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam.I know Wallahi spouses that are in separate rooms Wallahi each one has separate room of his own and when they want something hanky panky they take an appointment but other than that each one Lives in a separate room.This is awkward and wierd.
A’isha is sticking to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam at night and then the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,said A’isha leave me to worship my Allah and A’isha said Wallahi Ya Prophet of Allah Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam I love you but I love what you love.He Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam started to pray and wept and wept and wept until all of his beard was full of tears, she said this to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam and she does not hide it,
By Allah I love you Prophet of Allah(Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam) and I love to be near you but I love what you love so go and pray. We have to communicate if we like to sustain our model and ideal marriage in our houses,we like to be progressive and we like to go on and develope our feelings.
Now in the house, in a model house you have to have a target, an objective, what is your objective in your house, to have kids Sheikh, what is your objective in the house,to have warm meal, what is your objective in the house, to have a house, where can I sleep?
on the street?Muslims have different objectives, what is your objective brother, to please Allah Azza Wa Jal and you sister, to please Allah Azza Wa Jal, Aaa OK this is a very noble course, a very noble objective and this is why our houses, our marriages are not built on the pleasure of Allah.
The Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam tells us that the happy couple, we should wake up each other for the night prayers and if the spouse does not wake up,sprinkle little water on his or her face and pray two Ra’kah(prayer units) if you do this in the middle of the night Allah will register you among those who remember Allah a lot, two Ra’kats. So our marriage is not for giving your allowance or for cooking my food. Our marriage is based on pleasing Allah Azza Wa Jal.
Allah said in the Qur’an protect yourself and your family from Hell fire.So this is marriage, this is the ideal way of having a righteous and practicing marriage, practicing house, a practicing family. Umm Sulaiy(RA), do you know Umm sulaiy, who is Umm Sulaiy, Umm Sulaiy the one, Ya( someone responded to the question) but she is known for something more, she is the mother of Anas Ibn Malik(RA), the servant of the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, when her husband died the father of Anas, Abu Tolha a man from the dignitary people of Madina proposed to her but he was not a Muslim, look at this smart woman,she said, the likes of you are never rejected but you are a Kafir (disbeliever) and am a Muslim, so if you accept ISLAM I will make this my dowry, the man went, thought about it and came back,accepted ISLAM and they got married, this is the ideal family we want, look at their family strange.
Umm Sulaiym going to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, stranger who came from Makkah, they believed that he is the messenger of Allah Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam , she had never seen him before, she believed in him before he migrated, she went to him and said to him O prophet of Allah Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,Anas Ibn Malik he is about 8years old, 9years old, my son he is learned, he’s smart, do you like him, take him as your servant. Will you throw your child away in this fashion?, yes if you are smart and yes if the person is the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam. What did An as(RA) gain from that?,
Subhanallah he accompanied the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam for 10years and once Umm Sulaiym(RH) said O prophet of Allah Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, Anas is your servant pray for him and Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said,”O Allah prolong his life and exceed his wealth and his offspring and forgive his sins”, four supplications, very easy, Anas(RA) said By Allah am over a 100 now(meaning years), so prolonging his life and my children are so many, I have buried with my own hands more than a 100 of them, children and offspring, grandchildren and great grandchildren and exceed his wealth, he said that I have farms that produces twice a year, when everybody produces his own once a year, as for the fourth, forgiveness of Allah and I pray to Allah this is also fulfilled and we know that this is fulfilled and that Anas is in Jannah by grace of Allah Azza wa Jal the servant of Rasullah(meaning Anas), look at this woman, if you have woman like this in your house what will you do?, I wouldn’t leave. Abu Tolha May Allah be pleased with him, after he married her she got pregnant and she gave birth to a boy but this boy got ill for a while and every time he comes after work, from his farm he asked,”how is he?”,”he is ok.”and while he is at work one day,his son died, the infant died, what did this woman do?, she cut her head off?, she torn her hair?, she torn her clothes?, weeping on the sun?
No, she told her family, no one tells her husband a word and she took care of the child and put it at the corner of the house and covered it and she dressed well, she showered, she put on creams, lotions, everything, the whole 9yards, when he came, he said how is the boy?, she said Alhamdulilaah he has rested, she didn’t lie, he has rested and she prepared nice food for him, he ate and his stomach was full, then she fleeted with him, she had what she wanted from him, so he was pleased one hundred percent and they went to bed and while they were in bed resting she said Abu Tolha our neighbors, they borrowed something from someone and now that someone wants what he lent to them, but they refused to give it back and he said, no this is wrong, when someone lent someone something and he wants it back, he has to give it back, he has no right to refuse, immediately she said ask Allah Azz wa Jal to give as better than the calamity that befell upon us, your son is dead, Allah Azza wa Jal lent it to us and now Allah Azz wa Jal took what we borrowed from him, he was outraged, now after am full and you had what you wanted from me, you informed me?He went to the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam and the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam smiled and said may Allah bless your night.
Barik-al-Lahu fi wa lakum ma fii lailatu kuma, the narrator of this Hadith says that afterwards, 9 exactly, 9 months to that night, she gave birth to a child named Abdullah ibn Abi Tolha, they say he was amongst the best of the people of Madina and we(the man said, the one who is narrating this) I saw seven of his offsprings knowing the Qur’an by heart, so Allah did bless their night because of the wisdom of this woman.This is the woman that we will like to have in our houses. In our households we will like to have a Righteous husband and a Righteous wife, this is our model family, this is our ideal family but does this mean that there are no fights, can we have houses without any fights , this is not possible, maybe,probably but quite possible, even in the best of houses you will find some sort of discrepancies, not fights but here and there.
The Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,when A’isha, A’isha used to be upset with him sometimes, imagine A’isha being upset with the Prophet of Allah, this is normal, its a house, man and his wife, it has nothing to do with the Messenger and the service of Allah, it has to do with a man and his wife and the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,said,”O A’isha I know when you are pleased with me and I know when you are angry”,he said this out of the love, they were happy so they were just chatting, so he said I know when you are angry and I know when you are not, she said how do you know that Prophet of Allah Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam,he said when you are angry, you say no by Ibrahim’s Lord and when you are happy you say no by Muhammed’s Lord, she said yes Prophet of Allah Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam this is true, I do not abandon anything except your name, I love you but when am angry I do not call your name. Fatima and Ali may Allah be pleased with them also, they used to have skirmishes.The Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam came,once to his daughter’s house, where is Ali(RA)?
she said he got angry, we have a thing and we fought over something, so he went to Masjid, so the Prophet Salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam goes to the Masjid and found Ali(RA) sleeping on the floor and he wakes him and said stand up the Father of Dust because he was sleeping on the soil and he said this is the most beautiful name, I will never ever trade it for anything.
Aba Turaab(meaning Father of soil), this is his nickname, May ALLAH be pleased with him. Umar may ALLAH be pleased with him, a man had a fight with his wife and he is so outraged with her character, so he goes to Umar(Radi-al-lahu an haha) to complain, the Khalifah meaning Umar(Radi-al-lahu an ha),the caliph, so he knocks on the door and they told him wait for a second and all what he hears is Umar’s(Radi-al-lahu an ha) wife shouting at him, Umar’s(Radi-al-lahu an ha)wife is shouting and he can hear that, (here he is laughing) come on you are coming to complain to Umar (Radi-al-lahu an ha), he needs help more than I do, so then he goes away and Umar(Radi-al-lahu an ha)rushes to the door, where is the man, come, what is it my brother, nothing, nothing I have a problem but I think you need that help more than I do, he said my brother, this is my wife, she cooks my food, she bakes my bread, she washes my clothes, she shackles and breast feed my children and she does not have to do all of that and not only that my heart is calm and I don’t have to look for HARAM when she is with me, don’t you think I should tolerate her as she is tolerating me.
Wallahi if we look at our spouses with this way, we will live a beautiful life because then, whenever Shaytan(Devil) comes to us and said do this or do that, I say no she tolerates me, my wife tolerates me, l have a lot of shortcomings, so if she cooks the food that is bad and half cooked and no salt in it, I will eat it, I will eat three or four bites of it and say may Allah bless you, the food was excellent and am lying,why? because I don’t take her out, I don’t buy her presents, am not kind to her, I am not a perfect husband, so I tolerate her shortcomings, hoping from Allah Azza wa Jal that she tolerate my shortcomings and by the Grace of Allah we will have a perfect house and ALLAH Azza wa Jal knows best, I pray to Allah Subhanahu wata A’la that He will fix all our shortcomings and that He will make our houses IDEAL MUSLIM FAMILY HOUSES.