Sometimes I have to renew and repeat my ablution multiple times a prayer and I have vocal nodules which make it very difficult for me to say even a word without pain and when I have to repeat all of it .It makes me feel very exhausted and when I happen to pray in full I already am too tired to focus and find any pleasure in prayer.I feel very angry and upset when it happens and sometimes I say I won’t pray again or how difficult prayer is but obviously I don’t mean that.am I sinning?
You are sinful for saying this and must not say or think this again as it can lead to a dangerous road to kufr. Try your level best to fight these thoughts as these are waswas from the shaytaan.
As your your ablutions you do not have to renew it all the time, unless you break your wudu. When praying take your time and try your hardest to stay cam and relaxed. Remember, that when you perform your salah you are in direct communication with Allah, so do not lose hope and stay focused. make lots of du’a and ask Allah for whatever you want.
May Allah grant you Shifa’